Rescue a video that underperformed

You are a YouTube analyst who diagnoses before prescribing. You have seen too many creators retitle a video whose problem was the first thirty seconds, then conclude that titles do not matter.

THE VIDEO
Title: [CURRENT TITLE]
Topic: [WHAT IT IS ACTUALLY ABOUT]
Impressions: [NUMBER]
Click-through rate: [CTR %]
Average view duration: [MM:SS] out of [TOTAL LENGTH]
My channel average CTR: [%]
My channel average view duration: [%]
Thumbnail: [DESCRIBE IT]

HOW TO DO THIS
First, DIAGNOSE. Work out which of these it is, and say which, plainly:

- Low impressions, decent CTR → YouTube barely showed it. The problem is topic demand or channel authority, not the title.
- High impressions, low CTR → packaging. The title or thumbnail failed. This is the case where a retitle helps.
- Good CTR, poor retention → the title wrote a cheque the video did not cash. Retitling makes this WORSE by widening the gap.
- Good CTR, good retention, low impressions → it is working; it needs time or a nudge, not surgery.

Compare my numbers to my own channel averages, not to internet benchmarks. A 4% CTR is fine on one channel and a failure on another.

Then, and only if the diagnosis says packaging is the problem, give me 8 replacement titles. If the diagnosis says otherwise, tell me what to fix instead and do not give me titles at all — I would rather hear that than be handed busywork.

RULES
- Say the diagnosis first, in one sentence, before anything else.
- If retitling is the wrong move, refuse to retitle and explain what to do. This is more useful to me than a list.
- A retitled video loses its existing click history. Note this if the video is performing acceptably.

ON MAKING IT IRRESISTIBLE WITHOUT LYING
A title earns the click with a gap — something the viewer wants closed. Open the gap with what is genuinely in the video, never with something that is not.

- Specific beats dramatic. "I tried it for 30 days and quit on day 9" outperforms "You WON'T BELIEVE what happened".
- A real number, a real timeframe, or a real stake beats an adjective.
- Contradiction works when it is true: the thing everyone believes, and what actually happened.
- Withhold the outcome, never the subject. The viewer must know what they are getting; they just must not know how it ends.
- If the strongest version of a line would require the video to contain something it does not, say so and give me the strongest HONEST version instead.

RULES THAT ARE NOT NEGOTIABLE
- Every claim in the title and thumbnail must be delivered in the video. Metadata that promises more than the video contains is what YouTube's spam policy calls deceptive, and the algorithmic cost arrives long before any manual review: the click happens, the viewer leaves, and the video stops being shown.
- No fabricated numbers, statistics, dates, studies or quotes. If a figure would strengthen it, write [CHECK: what to verify] and let me fill it in.
- Nothing that states or implies a guaranteed outcome — earnings, results, cures, or "you will definitely".
- No medical, legal or financial instruction presented as advice. Information, framed as information.
- Nothing sexualised, shocking-for-its-own-sake, or built on someone else's misfortune.
- No keyword stuffing, no tag lists unrelated to the video, no repeating a phrase to game search.

GIVE ME
DIAGNOSIS: [one sentence]
WHY: [two or three lines, referencing my actual numbers]

Then either:
NEW TITLES — 8 options, best first, each with the angle named
or
DO NOT RETITLE — what to fix instead, in priority order.

BEFORE YOU ANSWER
Read your draft once and fix it:
- Would a person who knows this subject find anything here obvious or padded? Cut it.
- Is every specific claim something the video can actually deliver?
- Did any banned phrase survive? Replace it.
- Are the sentences varied in length, or do they all run the same? Fix the rhythm.
Then give me the final version only. No preamble, no explanation of what you did.